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Twelfth Night

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Enter SEBASTIAN and FOOL
SEBASTIAN and the FOOL enter.

FOOL
Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?
FOOL
Are you trying to tell me that I wasn’t sent to get you?

SEBASTIAN
Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow. Let me be clear of thee.
SEBASTIAN
Oh, who cares, you’re acting like a fool. Leave me alone.

FOOL
Well held out, i' faith. No, I do not know you, nor I am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with her, nor your name is not Master Cesario, nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.
FOOL
Good for you, holding out on me like this! No, I don’t know you, and my lady didn’t send me to get you, and I’m not supposed to tell you to come speak with her, and your name is not Master Cesario, and this is not my nose, either. Nothing is what it is.

SEBASTIAN
I prithee, vent thy folly somewhere else. Thou know’st not me.
SEBASTIAN
Oh please, go somewhere else to blab your nonsense. You don’t know me.

10
FOOL
Vent my folly? He has heard that word of some great man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney. I prithee now, ungird thy strangeness and tell me what I shall vent to my lady. Shall I vent to her that thou art coming?
FOOL
Blab my nonsense? He must’ve heard that phrase describing some great man and now he’s using it on a jester. Blab my nonsense! What an idiotic place this world is. Now please stop being so strange and tell me what exactly I should blab to my lady. Should I blab to her that you’re coming?

15
SEBASTIAN
I prithee, foolish Greek, depart from me. There’s money for thee. (giving money) If you tarry longer, I shall give worse payment.
SEBASTIAN
Please, fool, go away. Here’s money for you. (giving him money) If you stay any longer, I’ll give you something worse.

FOOL
By my troth, thou hast an open hand. These wise men that give fools money get themselves a good report—after fourteen years' purchase.
FOOL
Well, well. You’re a generous man. Wise men who give fools money might get a good reputation—if they keep up regular payments for fourteen years.