No Fear Shakespeare
Twelfth Night
Get this No Fear to go!
Act 1, Scene 3, Page 3
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SIR ANDREW
(to MARIA) Bless you, fair shrew.
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SIR ANDREW
(to MARIA) And hello to you, my little wench.
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MARIA
And you too, sir.
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MARIA
Hello, sir.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
Chat her up, Sir Andrew. Chat her up.
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SIR ANDREW
What’s that?
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SIR ANDREW
What?
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SIR TOBY BELCH
My niece’s chambermaid.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
This is my niece’s maid.
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SIR ANDREW
Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.
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SIR ANDREW
My dear Miss Chat-her-up, I look forward to getting to know you better.
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MARIA
My name is Mary, sir.
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MARIA
My name is Mary, sir.
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SIR ANDREW
Good Mistress Mary Accost—
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SIR ANDREW
Miss Mary Chat-her-up—
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SIR TOBY BELCH
You mistake, knight. “Accost” is front her, board her, woo
her, assail her.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
No, you’ve got it wrong. When I said “chat her up,” I wasn’t saying her name. I was telling you to go after her, woo her, confront her.
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SIR ANDREW
By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is
that the meaning of “accost”?
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SIR ANDREW
Good heavens, I’d never do that with people watching. Is that really what you meant?
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MARIA
Fare you well, gentlemen. (she starts to exit)
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MARIA
Goodbye, gentlemen. (she starts to exit)
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SIR TOBY BELCH
An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never
draw sword again.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
She’s leaving. If you let her go this easily, Sir Andrew, you don’t deserve to ever use your sword again.
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SIR ANDREW
An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword
again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?
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SIR ANDREW
If you leave like this, my dear, I won’t ever use my sword again. I’m not just talking nonsense to you, I mean everything I say. Do you think you’ve got a couple of fools on your hands here?
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MARIA
Sir, I have not you by the hand.
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MARIA
I’m not holding your hand, sir.
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