No Fear Shakespeare
Twelfth Night
Get this No Fear to go!
Act 3, Scene 2, Page 2
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This was looked for at your hand, and this was balked. The
double gilt of this opportunity you let time wash off, and
you are now sailed into the north of my lady’s opinion,
where you will hang like an icicle on a Dutchman’s beard,
unless you do redeem it by some laudable attempt either of
valor or policy.
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That’s what she was expecting, and you let her down. You wasted a golden opportunity, and now my lady thinks badly of you. You can only raise her opinion of you with some impressive act of courage or complicated intrigue.
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SIR ANDREW
An ’t be any way, it must be with valor, for policy I hate. I
had as lief be a Brownist as a politician.
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SIR ANDREW
I’ll have to do something courageous then, because I hate intrigue. I’d rather be a heretic than a schemer with fancy plots.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis of valor.
Challenge me the count’s youth to fight with him. Hurt him
in eleven places. My niece shall take note of it, and assure
thyself, there is no love-broker in the world can more
prevail in man’s commendation with woman than report of
valor.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
Well then, improve your situation with a show of courage. Challenge the count’s young servant to a fight. Hurt him in eleven different places. My niece Olivia will notice, and let me tell you, no matchmaker in the world can get you a woman faster than a reputation for courage.
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FABIAN
There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.
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FABIAN
It’s really the only way, Sir Andrew.
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SIR ANDREW
Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?
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SIR ANDREW
Will either of you give him the message that I’m challenging him to a duel?
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SIR TOBY BELCH
Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst and brief. It is no
matter how witty, so it be eloquent and full of invention.
Taunt him with the license of ink. If thou “thou”-est him
some thrice, it shall not be amiss; and as many lies as will lie
in thy sheet of paper, although the sheet were big enough
for the bed of Ware in England, set 'em down. Go, about it.
Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou write with
a goose-pen, no matter. About it.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
Go ahead and write it down. Make your handwriting look like a soldier’s. Be pointed and brief. It doesn’t need to be witty as long as it’s eloquent and imaginative. Taunt him as much as you want, since you’re only doing it in writing. It’s fine if you refer to him as “thou” instead of “you.” Write down as many lies as you can fit on a sheet of paper. Go ahead, get on with it. You may be using an ordinary pen, but you can fill it with poison ink. Now get busy.
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SIR ANDREW
Where shall I find you?
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SIR ANDREW
Where will I find you when I’ve finished it?
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