Search Menu

Original Text

Modern Text

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA
SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA enter.

SIR TOBY BELCH
What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure care’s an enemy to life.
SIR TOBY BELCH
What’s wrong with my niece? Why is she reacting so strangely to her brother’s death? Grief is bad for people’s health.

MARIA
By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o' nights. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.
MARIA
For God’s sake, Sir Toby, you’ve got to come home earlier at night. My lady Olivia, your niece, disapproves of your late-night partying.

SIR TOBY BELCH
Why, let her except, before excepted.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Well, she can get used to it.

MARIA
Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.
MARIA
Yes, but you need to keep yourself within the limits of order and decency.

SIR TOBY BELCH
Confine? I’ll confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.
SIR TOBY BELCH
Keep myself? The only thing I’m keeping myself in is the clothes I’m wearing. They’re good enough to drink in, and so are these boots. If they aren’t, they can go hang themselves by their own laces!

MARIA
That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.
MARIA
You’re going to destroy yourself with all this drinking. Lady Olivia said so yesterday. She also mentioned some stupid knight you brought in one night as a possible husband for her.

SIR TOBY BELCH
Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?

MARIA
Ay, he.
MARIA
Yes, that’s the one.

SIR TOBY BELCH
He’s as tall a man as any ’s in Illyria.
SIR TOBY BELCH

Buy on BN.com and save!

Twelfth Night (No Fear Shakespeare)