See this dispatched with all the haste thou canst:
Anon I'll give thee more instructions.
That's just how I want him to behave toward the drunkard,
speaking in a low, soft voice and in humble, courteous tones and
saying fancy stuff like, “What does your Honor wish to
command your lady, your humble wife, to do to show her devotion and
demonstrate her love?” Tell him to give the drunkard
fond embraces and alluring kisses, and lay his head on the other
man's breast, weeping like a woman overjoyed to see a
husband restored to health who for the last seven years has imagined
he was no better than a poor, pathetic beggar. The boy may lack a
woman's gift for weeping at will, so it might be good to
have an onion handy, hidden in a handkerchief. That'll make
his eyes stream. Get this done as quickly as you can. I'll
give you more instructions later.
Exit a servingman
A servant exits.
I know the boy will well usurp the grace,
Voice, gait, and action of a gentlewoman.
I long to hear him call the drunkard
“husband,”
130
And how my men will stay themselves from laughter
When they do homage to this simple peasant.
I'll in to counsel them. Haply my presence
May well abate the over-merry spleen
Which otherwise would grow into extremes.
I know the boy will be a convincing gentlewoman, taking up her
exact walk and talk and gentle gestures. I can't wait to
hear him call the drunkard “husband,” and to
watch my men smother their laughter as they pay their respects to
this simple peasant. I'll go and coach them. My presence
may put a damper on their high spirits, which might otherwise get
out of control.
