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Romeo and Juliet

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ROMEO
Why, then is my pump well flowered.
ROMEO
Well, then my

pump

Romeo plays along: pump= shoe and penis.

pump
is well decorated with flowers.

30
MERCUTIO
Sure wit, follow me this jest now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after the wearing solely singular.
MERCUTIO
Alright my witty friend, this joke has worn out your pump. Its thin skin is all worn out. The joke is all you have left.

ROMEO
O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness.
ROMEO
This is a bad joke. It’s all silliness.

MERCUTIO
Come between us, good Benvolio. My wits faints.
MERCUTIO
Come break this up, Benvolio. I’m losing this duel of wits.

ROMEO
Switch and spurs, switch and spurs, or I’ll cry a match.
ROMEO
Keep going, keep going, or I’ll declare myself the winner.

MERCUTIO
Nay, if our wits run the wild-goose chase, I am done, for thou hast more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits than, I am sure, I have in my whole five. Was I with you there for the goose?
MERCUTIO
Now, if our jokes go on a wild-goose chase, I’m finished. You have more wild goose in one of your jokes than I have in five of mine. Was I even close to you in the chase for the goose?

35
ROMEO
Thou wast never with me for anything when thou wast not there for the goose.
ROMEO
You were never with me for anything if you weren’t there for the goose.

Romeo implies that Mercutio is only good for jokes.


MERCUTIO
I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.
MERCUTIO
I’ll bite you on the ear for that joke.

ROMEO
Nay, good goose, bite not.
ROMEO
No, good goose, don’t bite me.

MERCUTIO
Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting. It is a most sharp sauce.
MERCUTIO
Your joke is a very bitter apple. Your humor is a spicy sauce.

ROMEO
And is it not well served into a sweet goose?
ROMEO
Then isn’t it just the right dish for a sweet goose?

40
MERCUTIO
Oh, here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an ell broad!
MERCUTIO
Oh, that’s a joke made out of leather that spreads itself thin, from the width of an inch to as fat as a yard.

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