And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John
55
is this morning secretly stolen away. Hero was in this
manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the
grief of this, suddenly died.—Master Constable, let
these
men be bound and brought to Leonato's. I will go before
and show him their examination.
SEXTON
(to CONRADE
and
BORACHIO) You can't deny
this, gentlemen. This morning, Prince John secretly snuck out of
Messina. Hero was accused exactly as the watchman described, and
died on the spot from the grief.
Master Constable, tie up these men and bring them to
Leonato's. I'll get there first and tell him
what we found out.
God's my life, where's the Sexton? Let him
write down the
Prince's officer “coxcomb.” Come,
bind them.—Thou
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naughty varlet!
DOGBERRY
Honest to God, where's the sexton? He should write down
that the Prince's officer was called a fool. Come on, tie
them up. (to
CONRADE) You're a nasty
little stinker!
CONRADE
Away! You are an ass, you are an ass!
CONRADE
Get away from me, you ass! You ass!
DOGBERRY
Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my
years? Oh, that he were here to write me down an ass! But
masters, remember that I am an ass, though it be not
70
written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.—No, thou
villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by
good witness. I am a wise fellow and, which is more, an
officer and, which is more, a householder and, which is
more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one
75
that knows the law, go to, and a rich fellow enough, go to,
and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath two
gowns and everything handsome about him.—Bring him
away.—Oh, that I had been writ down an ass!
DOGBERRY
How can you call me that? Don't you suspect my office?
Don't you suspect
my age? Oh, if only the sexton were here to write down that
I'm an ass! Gentlemen, remember that I am an ass; even
though it's not written down, don't forget
that I'm an ass. Oh, you're a rotten bastard,
you are. I'm a wise man and, what's more,
I'm an officer of the law and, what's more,
I'm a householder and, what's more,
I'm as handsome a hunk of meat as any in Messina. And I
know the law, damn you, and I'm rich enough, damn you,
and I used to have more, but I still have two robes and lots of
lovely things.—Take him away!—Oh, if only the
sexton had recorded that I'm an ass!
