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Enter KENT disguised and OSWALD the steward, severally
KENT enters in disguise. OSWALD enters from elsewhere.

OSWALD
Good dawning to thee, friend. Art of this house?
OSWALD
Good morning to you, friend. Do you work in this house?

KENT
Ay.
KENT
Yes, I do.

OSWALD
Where may we set our horses?
OSWALD
Where should we stable our horses?

KENT
I' th' mire.
KENT
In the mud.

5
OSWALD
Prithee, if thou lovest me, tell me.
OSWALD
Please, sir, be kind to me and tell me.

KENT
I love thee not.
KENT
I won’t be kind to you.

OSWALD
Why, then, I care not for thee.
OSWALD
In that case, I don’t much care for you either.

KENT
If I had thee in Lipsbury pinfold, I would make thee care for me.
KENT
If I could get my hands on you, I’d make you care.

10
OSWALD
Why dost thou use me thus? I know thee not.
OSWALD
Why are you talking to me like this? I don’t even know you.

KENT
Fellow, I know thee.
KENT
Ah, but I know you.

OSWALD
What dost thou know me for?
OSWALD
Who am I then?

KENT
A knave, a rascal, an eater of broken meats; a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave; a whoreson, glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service; and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pander, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining if thou deniest the least syllable of thy addition.
KENT
You’re a lowlife, a rascal who eats leftover scraps. You’re an ignoble, arrogant, shallow, vulgar, pretentious, conceited, filthy third-rate servant who thinks he’s something special. You’re a cowardly lawyer-loving bastard; a vain, brown-nosing, prissy scoundrel who’d pimp himself out to advance his career; a bag lady. You’re nothing but a lowlife, a beggar, a coward, and a pimp, the son and heir of a mutt bitch. I’ll beat you until you whine and cry if you deny the least bit of this.

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