No Fear Shakespeare: Henry V: Act 5, scene i

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Enter FLUELLEN and GOWER

FLUELLEN and GOWER enter.

	GOWER
	Nay, that's right. But why wear you your leek today? Saint
	Davy's day is past.

GOWER

Yes, that's true, but why are you wearing your leek today? Saint Davy's Day has passed.

	FLUELLEN
	There is occasions and causes why and wherefore in all
	things. I will tell you as my friend, Captain Gower. The
5	rascally, scald, beggarly, lousy, pragging knave, Pistol,
	which you and yourself and all the world know to be no
	petter than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is come
	to me and prings me pread and salt yesterday, look you, and
	bid me eat my leek. It was in place where I could not breed
10	no contention with him, but I will be so bold as to wear it in
	my cap till I see him once again, and then I will tell him a
	little piece of my desires.

FLUELLEN

There are reasons and causes why and how in everything. I'll tell you as my friend, Captain Gower: that rascally, mean, beggarly, lousy, bragging Pistol, whom you and yourself and all the world know to be no better than a peasant—see—with no good qualities at all: he came to me yesterday and brought me bread and salt and told me to eat my leek. We were somewhere where I couldn't pick a fight with him, but I've decided to wear it in my cap until I see him again, whereupon I'll give him a little piece of my mind.

Enter PISTOL

PISTOL enters.

	GOWER
	Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

GOWER

And here he comes, puffing himself up like a turkey.

	FLUELLEN
	'Tis no matter for his swellings, nor his turkey-cocks.—
15	God pless you, Aunchient Pistol, you scurvy, lousy knave,
	God pless you.

FLUELLEN

Never mind his puffings and his turkeys. God bless you, Ensign Pistol! You lousy, rotten, villain, God bless you!

	PISTOL
	Ha, art thou bedlam? Dost thou thirst, base Trojan, to have
	me fold up Parca's fatal web? Hence. I am qualmish at the
	smell of leek.

PISTOL

Are you mad? Do you want me to cut your life short, you deceiving lowlife? Away! The smell of leek turns my stomach.

	FLUELLEN
20	I peseech you heartily, scurvy, lousy knave, at my desires,
	and my requests, and my petitions, to eat, look you, this
	leek. Because, look you, you do not love it, nor your
	affections and your appetites and your digestions does not
	agree with it, I would desire you to eat it.

FLUELLEN

I wonder if you'd be so good, you lousy, rotten villain, to grant my wish and my request and gratify me, see, by eating this leek. I'd like you to, see, because you don't like it, and because it isn't to your taste, and because it doesn't agree with you.


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