No Fear Shakespeare
Henry IV Part 1
Get this No Fear to go!
Act 2, Scene 1, Page 4
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CHAMBERLAIN
No, I’ll none of it. I pray thee keep that for the hangman, for
I know thou worshipest Saint Nicholas as truly as a man of
falsehood may.
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CHAMBERLAIN
I don’t want it; keep it for the hangman. I know you worship the patron saint of highway robbery, as much as a godless man like you worships anything.
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GADSHILL
What talkest thou to me of the hangman? If I hang, I’ll make
a fat pair of gallows, for if I hang, old Sir John hangs with
me, and thou knowest he is no starveling. Tut, there are other
Troyans that thou dream’st not of, the which for sport sake
are content to do the profession some grace, that would, if
matters should be looked into, for their own credit sake
make all whole. I am joined with no foot-land-rakers, no
long-staff sixpenny strikers, none of these mad mustachio
purple-hued malt-worms, but with nobility and tranquillity,
burgomasters and great oneyers, such as can hold in, such as
will strike sooner than speak, and speak sooner than drink,
and drink sooner than pray, and yet, zounds, I lie, for they
pray continually to their saint the commonwealth, or rather
not pray to her but prey on her, for they ride up and down on
her and make her their boots.
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GADSHILL
Why are you taking to me about the hangman? If I hang, I’ll make half of a fat pair on the gallows, because if I hang, old Sir John will be hanging right with me—and he’s not exactly thin. Please! Our gang has some members you could never guess, and for their own amusement, they’re happy to lend the profession of thievery some respect. If we were ever investigated, they would smooth everything over. I’ve got no wandering highwaymen, no thieves with homemade weapons, no red-faced drunks with crazy mustaches. Only men of calm and noble demeanor for me: magistrates and court officials. Men who can keep a secret; who’d rather smack you than speak, rather speak than drink, and rather drink than pray.—No! That’s a lie! They pray all the time to England, their patron saint. Or rather, they don’t pray to her; they prey on her. They ride her up and down and then make her their boots.
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CHAMBERLAIN
What, the commonwealth their boots? Will she hold out
water in foul way?
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CHAMBERLAIN
Make her their boots? Why, will she keep their feet dry from muddy water?
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GADSHILL
She will, she will. Justice hath liquored her. We steal as in
a castle, cocksure. We have the receipt of fern seed; we walk
invisible.
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GADSHILL
She can, she can. She’s been greased with so many bribes that she’s waterproof. We thieve in complete safety; we’ve got a potion that makes us invisible.
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CHAMBERLAIN
Nay, by my faith, I think you are more beholding to the night
than to fern seed for your walking invisible.
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CHAMBERLAIN
Oh, I don’t think so. It’s the dark of night that makes you hard to see, not a secret potion.
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GADSHILL
Give me thy hand. Thou shalt have a share in our purchase,
as I am a true man.
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GADSHILL
Let’s shake hands. You’ll get a share of our spoils; I swear on my honor as a true man.
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