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GERTRUDE
  Hamlet, Hamlet!
GERTRUDE
Hamlet! Hamlet!

ALL
Gentlemen—
ALL
Gentlemen!

HORATIO
(to HAMLET) Good my lord, be quiet.
HORATIO
(to HAMLET ) Please, my lord, calm down.
Attendants separate HAMLET and LAERTES
Attendants separate HAMLET and LAERTES


245
HAMLET
Why, I will fight with him upon this theme
Until my eyelids will no longer wag.
HAMLET
I’ll fight him over this issue till I don’t have the strength to blink.

GERTRUDE
O my son, what theme?
GERTRUDE
Oh, my son, what issue is that?



HAMLET
I loved Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers
Could not with all their quantity of love
Make up my sum. What wilt thou do for her?
HAMLET
I loved Ophelia. Forty thousand brothers, if you added all their love together, couldn’t match mine. What are you going to do for her?

250
CLAUDIUS
O, he is mad, Laertes.
CLAUDIUS
Oh, he’s crazy, Laertes!

GERTRUDE
For love of God, forbear him.
GERTRUDE
For the love of God, be patient with him.




255




260

HAMLET
'Swounds, show me what thou'lt do.
Woo’t weep? Woo’t fight? Woo’t fast? Woo’t tear thyself?
Woo’t drink up eisel, eat a crocodile?
I’ll do ’t. Dost thou come here to whine,
To outface me with leaping in her grave?
Be buried quick with her?—and so will I.
And if thou prate of mountains let them throw
Millions of acres on us, till our ground,
Singeing his pate against the burning zone,
Make Ossa like a wart! Nay, an thou'lt mouth,
I’ll rant as well as thou.
HAMLET
Damn it, show me what you’re going to do for her. Will you cry? Fight? Stop eating? Cut yourself? Drink vinegar? Eat a crocodile? I’ll do all that. Did you come here to whine? To outdo me by jumping into her grave so theatrically? To be buried alive with her? So will I. And if you rattle on about mountains, then let them throw millions of acres over us. It will be so high a peak that it scrapes against heaven and makes Mount Ossa look like a wart. See? I can talk crazy as well as you.




265
GERTRUDE
  This is mere madness.
And thus a while the fit will work on him.
Anon, as patient as the female dove
When that her golden couplets are disclosed,
His silence will sit drooping.
GERTRUDE
This is pure insanity. He’ll be like this for a little while. Then he’ll be as calm and quiet as a dove waiting for her eggs to hatch.

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