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HAMLET
The Mousetrap. Marry, how? Tropically. This play is the image of a murder done in Vienna. Gonzago is the duke’s name, his wife Baptista. You shall see anon. 'Tis a knavish piece of work, but what o' that? Your majesty and we that have free souls, it touches us not. Let the galled jade wince, our withers are unwrung.
HAMLET
The Mousetrap. Why on earth is it called that, you ask? It’s a metaphor. This play is about a murder committed in Vienna. Gonzago is the duke’s name, and his wife is Baptista. You’ll see soon enough. It’s a piece of garbage, but who cares? You and I have free souls, so it doesn’t concern us. Let the guilty wince. We can watch without being bothered.
Enter LUCIANUS
LUCIANUS enters.
This is one Lucianus, nephew to the king.
This is Lucianus, the king’s nephew in the play.

230
OPHELIA
You are as good as a chorus, my lord.
OPHELIA
You’re an expert commentator, aren’t you?

HAMLET
I could interpret between you and your love, if I could see the puppets dallying.
HAMLET
Yes. I could even supply the dialogue between you and your lover if you did your little puppet show of love for me.

OPHELIA
You are keen, my lord, you are keen.
OPHELIA
Ooh, you’re sharp.

HAMLET
It would cost you a groaning to take off mine edge.
HAMLET
Yes, pointy, but you could take the edge off me— though it might make you moan a little.

235
OPHELIA
Still better and worse.
OPHELIA
You get better in your jokes and worse in your manners.

HAMLET
So you must take your husbands.—Begin, murderer. Pox, leave thy damnable faces, and begin. Come, “The croaking raven doth bellow for revenge—”
HAMLET
That’s what you women get when you trick us into marriage.—Let’s get started, murderer on stage, please! Damn it, stop fussing with the makeup, and get going. We’re all waiting for the revenge!


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LUCIANUS
Thoughts black, hands apt, drugs fit, and time agreeing,
Confederate season, else no creature seeing,
Thou mixture rank, of midnight weeds collected,
With Hecate’s ban thrice blasted, thrice infected,
Thy natural magic and dire property
On wholesome life usurp immediately.
(pours poison into PLAYER KING ’s ears)
LUCIANUS
Evil thoughts, ready hands, the right poison, and the time is right too. The dark night is on my side, for no one can see me. You deadly mixture of weeds and plants, which Hecate, goddess of witchcraft, has put a spell on, use your magic to steal this healthy person’s life away. (pours the poison into the PLAYER KING ’s ears)

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