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350
GUILDENSTERN
In what, my dear lord?
GUILDENSTERN
In what sense, my lord?

HAMLET
I am but mad north-north-west. When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a handsaw.
HAMLET
I’m only crazy sometimes. At other times, I know what’s what.
Enter POLONIUS
POLONIUS enters.

POLONIUS
Well be with you, gentlemen.
POLONIUS
Gentlemen, I hope you are well.

HAMLET
Hark you, Guildenstern, and you too—at each ear a hearer. (indicates POLONIUS )That great baby you see there is not yet out of his swaddling-clouts
HAMLET
Listen, Guildenstern, and you too, Rosencrantz—listen as close as you can! (he gestures toward POLONIUS )This big baby is still in diapers.

ROSENCRANTZ
Happily he’s the second time come to them, for they say an old man is twice a child.
ROSENCRANTZ
Yes, the second time around, since, as they say, old people become children again.

HAMLET
(aside to ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN ) I will prophesy he comes to tell me of the players. Mark it. (to POLONIUS)— You say right, sir. O' Monday morning, ’twas so indeed.
HAMLET
(whispering to ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN) I bet he’s coming to tell me about the actors; just watch. (to POLONIUS) You’re right, sir, that happened on Monday morning.

POLONIUS
My lord, I have news to tell you.
POLONIUS
My lord, I have news for you.

HAMLET
My lord, I have news to tell you. When Roscius was an actor in Rome—
HAMLET
My lord, I have news for you. When Roscius was an actor in ancient Rome —

365
POLONIUS
The actors are come hither, my lord.
POLONIUS
The actors have arrived, my lord.

HAMLET
Buzz, buzz.
HAMLET
Yawn, snore.

POLONIUS
Upon my honor—
POLONIUS
I swear—

HAMLET
Then came each actor on his ass—
HAMLET
—each actor arrived on his ass.

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