No Fear Shakespeare

The Comedy of Errors

William Shakespeare

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Act 3, Scene 2, Page 4

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Modern Text


ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
You are Dromio, you are my servant, and you are yourself.

75
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I am an ass, I am a woman’s man, and besides myself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I’m an ass, I’m a woman’s servant, and I’m beside myself.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What woman’s man? And how besides thyself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What woman’s servant? What do you mean, beside yourself?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, besides myself I am due to a woman, one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I’ll tell you. Besides belonging to myself, I belong to a woman. A woman who says she owns me, who won’t leave me alone, and who wants me.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What claim lays she to thee?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
How does she claim to own you?

80
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, such claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast; not that I being a beast she would have me, but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
The same way a person would claim to own his horse. And she wants me as a beast. I don’t mean that she wants me because I’m a beast, but that she, who is a beast, says I belong to her.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What is she?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What’s she like?

85
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
A very reverent body, ay, such a one as a man may not speak of without he say “sir-reverence.” I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
She has a very significant body. You couldn’t even talk about it without saying, “I beg your pardon.” My luck would be running thin if I ended up with her, although she’d make it a fat marriage.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
How dost thou mean a “fat marriage”?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What do you mean, a fat marriage?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, she’s the kitchen wench, and all grease, and I know not what use to put her to but to make a lamp of her and run from her by her own light. I warrant her rags and the
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Sir, she works in the kitchen, so she’s oily. The only thing I could do with her is to use all that oil as fuel in a lamp and then use that light to run away by. Her

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