No Fear Shakespeare
The Comedy of Errors
Get this No Fear to go!
Act 3, Scene 1, Page 3
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
(within) Right, sir, I’ll tell you when an you tell me wherefore.
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
(from offstage) Right. Give me one good reason and I will.
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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Wherefore? For my dinner. I have not dined today.
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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
A reason? So I can eat lunch. I haven’t eaten today.
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
(within) Nor today here you must not. Come again when you may.
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
(from offstage) And you won’t eat here today. Come again some other time.
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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
What art thou that keep’st me out from the house I owe?
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ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS
Who do you think you are, keeping me out of my own house?
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
(within) The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
(from offstage) I’m the doorkeeper for the moment, and my name is Dromio.
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DROMIO OF EPHESUS
O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name!
The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio today in my place,
Thou wouldst have changed thy face for a name, or thy name
for an ass.
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DROMIO OF EPHESUS
You jerk! You’ve stolen both my job and my name! True, the job never did me much good, and my name only ever got me in trouble. If you were the Dromio in my shoes today, you would have felt like you traded your head for a target and your name for the name of “Ass.”
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LUCE
(within) What a coil is there, Dromio! Who are those at the gate?
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LUCE
(from offstage) What’s all the commotion, Dromio? Who’s at the door?
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DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Let my master in, Luce.
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DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Luce, let my master in.
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LUCE
(within) Faith, no, he comes too late,
And so tell your master.
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LUCE
(from offstage) No way, he’s too late. Tell your master that.
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DROMIO OF EPHESUS
O Lord, I must laugh.
Have at you with a proverb: shall I set in my staff?
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DROMIO OF EPHESUS
Oh, Lord, this makes me laugh! I’ll come at you with the old proverb: “Should I make myself at home?”
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LUCE
(within) Have at you with another: that’s—When, can
you tell?
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LUCE
(from offstage) I’ll come at you with another: “I’d like to see you try it!”
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