Get this No Fear to go!
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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Yea, dost thou jeer and flout me in the teeth?
Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that and that. (beats DROMIO OF SYRACUSE)
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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
What, are you mocking me to my face? You think I’m joking? Here. Take that, and that! (beats DROMIO OF SYRACUSE)
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Hold, sir, for God’s sake! Now your jest is earnest.
Upon what bargain do you give it me?
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Stop, sir, for God’s sake! Now this joke has turned serious. Why are you doing this?
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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Because that I familiarly sometimes
Do use you for my fool and chat with you,
Your sauciness will jest upon my love
And make a common of my serious hours.
When the sun shines, let foolish gnats make sport,
But creep in crannies when he hides his beams.
If you will jest with me, know my aspect,
And fashion your demeanor to my looks,
Or I will beat this method in your sconce.
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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Just because I act familiar with you sometimes and let you fool around and joke with me, you try to take advantage of my affection. You pull pranks when I’m in a serious mood. You know, foolish gnats come out in the sunshine, but they creep back into their holes when it’s dark. If you want to crack jokes, first check what kind of mood I’m in and then adjust your behavior to suit me. If you don’t learn this rule, I’ll have to beat it into your sconce.
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
“Sconce” call you it? So you would leave battering, I had
rather have it a “head.” An you use these blows long, I must
get a sconce for my head and ensconce it too, or else I shall
seek my wit in my shoulders. But I pray, sir, why am I
beaten?
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
You call it my “sconce”? I’d rather call it my “head” so you’d stop battering it. If you keep pounding me, I’ll need a sconce to wrap my head with, or else I’ll have to keep my brain in my chest. But sir, why are you beating me?
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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Dost thou not know?
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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Don’t you know?
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten.
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
All I know is that I’m being beaten.
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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Shall I tell you why?
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ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Should I tell you why?
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Ay, sir, and wherefore, for they say every why hath a
wherefore.
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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Yes, and wherefore. You know the old saying: “Every ‘why’ has a ‘wherefore.’”
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